love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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