So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
two words: eviction party
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
