you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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