Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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