Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am available for nakedness
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
