She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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