Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize