I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
