Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
