I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
