I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
