I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
