so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't turn off my feet"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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