how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
