I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
