First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
