Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
