it hurts more in the daytime
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
