dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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