i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
