i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
