Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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