have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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