i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
