I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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