well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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