So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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