I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
