he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
