So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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