I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
