Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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