I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
