fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
