he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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