my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
