just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
