my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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