like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
