Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
