I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
