that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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