Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
