Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
