Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
