hell yes lets make some ravioli
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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