Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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