How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
