he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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