i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
