I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
love makes seman taste better
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
