onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
