I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
