i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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