Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
