We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
