There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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