I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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