i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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