Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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