Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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