i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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