Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
