During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
