Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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