This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Plan B is the new Plan A
from now on my penis is your penis
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
