remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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