Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
