so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
